The past few weeks have flew by like a blur. I have struggled a lot. My self harming and mental health has been bad along with other things. I have self harmed since I was 14 years old. I’m 26 years old now…. (I feel old!) Deep down, I know that my self harm has the potential to kill me and I would be lying if I didn’t say it scares me to the core😞
I acknowledge that my mental health always seems to go downhill during the time around the anniversary of my fathers death. It stirs up feelings and memories that are painful and full of sadness. I will isolate myself from friends and family choosing my own solitude as a way of coping until the loneliness slowly starts to consume me. The fact that my physical health has also been rubbish hasn’t really helped matters either.
Last week, I was unexpectedly admitted to hospital and had emergency surgery to take out my gallbladder. I managed to get through it as well as I could. My heart skipped a beat when the anaesthetist came up and told me the surgeon was ready for me. I was so nervous… I remember having to ground myself as I was slowly being wheeled into theatre. The last thing I remember was having a joke with the surgeons asking them to try not to kill me as I drifted off with the general anaesthetic😂 I do have a twisted sense of humour at times! I am pleased to say that the operation went good and I am now recovering at home. It sucks that I have had to cancel all my therapy appointments at a time when I seem to need the support most. Unlimited snuggles from my dog will have to do for now❤️