When Will I Start Putting Myself First?❤️

It’s good to think about other people. It’s nice to put others first and be there for them but at what cost to your own mental health? How do you get that healthy balance? When is it enough to draw the line? My mental health is being made worse because I care about other peoples needs more than what I care about my own. As if I haven’t got enough on my plate already… I wish I could just say no! This is something I constantly struggle with. The problem with putting other people first is that you’ve taught them you come second….

I’m a caring person but a lot of people always seem to take my kindness and use it as a weakness. My needs rarely get met. I invest so much time in making other people happy even if it means I will suffer in the process. Without hesitation, I always seem to put people before myself and my own problems. I know that I need to start putting my own needs first although it is easier said than done. My feelings were never validated growing up. I seem to think that I should always be the one to suffer and never anyone else. They should get their needs met even if it means my own do not. It must always be me that is wrong and never them. I never feel entitled to any of my feelings because they don’t matter. My time is spent making it easier for everyone else because I don’t matter😞

I’m the type of person that has spent whole nights admitted to hospitals and still made arrangements with ‘friends’ the next morning just so I wouldn’t let them down. I would literally be peeling off the leftover EEG stickers discreetly as possible while giving out a smile and giving the other person my undivided attention acting like nothing was wrong. It’s messed up when I think about it. A person with a ‘healthy’ mind set would of cancelled, not discharged themselves from the hospital and got the much needed care and rest they deserved. When I think about it… their friends would be the ones making the effort to see them😛

It’s a constant battle trying to be how I should be and not how I think I should be. I recognise that constantly putting others first affects us in a negative way and is making our mental health worse. It’s really hard to get out of this cycle of thinking. Deep down, I acknowledge that it needs to change. Enough is enough! I know that it is going to take a lot of therapy and hard work. It’s actually quite ironic that I’m going to have to work so hard just to be kind to myself. I’ve never been good at self love or self care. I need to remind myself that I matter. I need to keep reminding myself that I deserve my needs to be met and my feelings to be validated. I need to remind myself that I can change, because it matters… we matter❤️

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